"The future is scary..but you cant run back to the past just because it is familiar..yes its tempting.."

"The future is scary..but you cant run back to the past just because it is familiar..yes its tempting.."

It has been almost 8 months in a new country..and i am still trying to figure out..am i really cut out for this place..

Almost a year ago....coming here was that one dream which i have been wanting to fulfill since i don't know when..and now that i am here..every single step has been so difficult...suddenly i am not so sure if this was what i really wanted..technically i am living my dream..and how many people do that..one in thousands..yet..why doesn't it feel the way i felt it when i dreamt of it..why does it feel so empty inside..so incomplete..i feel like quitting and run away from these unknown territories to the place where i can move around blindfolded..

Every day is yet another struggle..I feel so lost..making decisions..all wrong decisions on my own..nobody told me it was going to be easy..but i guess it was my mistake to presume it that it wont be that difficult either..i am not afraid..i guess i am just a little tired today of losing yet another fight..there will be many more battles to be fought,i understand...but i guess it is just OK to catch your breath once in a while..

It has been 8 months..8 long months..away from home..away from everything that has been familiar for the past 26 years..and in these 8 months..i have been afraid many times..down in dumps innumerable times..felt lost thousand times...but then every time i have been able to come out of the darkness to give myself another chance..to give this place another chance..to give the new day another chance..

It has not been easy and like everyone else i think i am the worse struck by life..on a second thought..it is just me cribbing yet again...looks like i am just in one of those sour moods where i think the whole world has turned its back on me..when actually there are more than one things to be appreciative of..for starters..an awesome family with a wonderful loving Mummy..super caring Papa Bareuncle and my support system..my lucky charm my siblings..the twins..and to see them happy and content is a blessing..so no wonder living in a new country is very exhausting but when  the happiness it brings to the most important part of my existence..my family....flashes in my mind..it calms me down..as it just did right now..this instant  when i am  just penning down my thoughts..releasing them here..just the mere thought has soothed me down..

P.S. 

Calmer ME telling the Sad ME : "It was just one day..tomorrow will be another day which will be a better day than today..where i will have another interesting tryst with a little more experienced me..a stronger me..so cheer up sweetheart!!"

With the hopes of a better tomorrow and happier me,

Signing off..
Swati..

.......the unseen....

The wild wanton wind blew,
It brought with it a fragarance I felt I knew.
Unconsciously I pursued it;
A voice cried within me,
Do you recognize it?
I stopped.
I pondered.
Did I know it?
THe answer came 'No'
But then:
Somebody cried from the depths of my heart,
'Its yours-The Unseen'
Consciousness gripped.
Was a trust being intruded?
The smile on its lips,
The assurance in its eyes,
Said it all...
Emotions gushed out
Like a-
Swift rapid from the core of my heart;
Torn betwen dream and reality,
Arose a fear of :
Dark sorrow,
Burden of forbidden hope.
The Unseen  then cried-
'trust me'
And the teardrops froze.
Tranquility dawned upon me; And with a detemination I had never know I answered the Unseen,'the power within me'
"I trust you".